Confused~*~
People do confused, dont they.. So do I. How should I begin to explain what's going on.. *sigh*. When I see things, especially everyone that surrounds me (I means my environment), I feel stuck. Mostly, I always get what I want. But not everything - that's so what's life is all about. But sometimes, when I got what I want, I'm getting confused. Is that what I truely want? No.. that's not it. 'Be careful what you wish for' - that's so true.
I remembered my dreams, what I really wanted to be - architect or something that related to comic or art. But as we grow up, we make decisions based on what happened around us. Like I used to be. Do I really had a patient to endure what's going to happen if took that path? I wouldn't have known. Do I meet someone like I meet before on my way to become an adult? Do I really happy with what I got at the moment? I dont really know. But I know for sure, I was glad being this way. I met people that I care. That fills my life. But, when life keeps move on, something feel so distance. Maybe because of our way or maybe because we do apart from each other. Right? Sometimes I do regret the path that I took, but when I realized that it had been lucky for me to take that path, I feel thankful.. Because, it wouldn't be the same, it wouldn't be who I am today.
Human is such a fragile creature. They dont stand being stress, being alone, feeling reluctant. And that's what I am. Am I seriously being alone in my world? I dont know. There is no one out there that understand who I really am, sharing my world. Or actually, I keep that world on my own. And now, selfishly blaming others. I want to go and see the world. I dont want to stuck in tha same place meeting the same people. It just dont worth every second of my life. I want to be part of the history, even if in their history - my friends and family? Do I really being a good person? Did I colour your life? Or I am just a dark cloud waiting to put a storm in your face? How should I know that. I dont know. But I'm sure, I'm not being a good servant for the Almighty. And I'm very sorry for that. Feeling sorry for myself.
When I watch series either anime or drama, those feeling always come. It is like, 'when will my life could be that beautiful?'. It is not that my life that sucks - it is just that something is missing. And I dont know what. I got plans. My life plans. But it is just that they are in black and white. Where the hells are the colour that supposedly added to that. I do feel I am wasting my time, for not truely realized what I want. I dont want to live in constant feeling. Sometime ups and downs are good to make our heart tremble, but, when there's nothing there's to touch, our heart will dry. Sometimes life do feel sucks..~ And I wanted to have something on my own, my personal brand of heroin. When would that happen..? I just dont know.
When I watch series either anime or drama, those feeling always come. It is like, 'when will my life could be that beautiful?'. It is not that my life that sucks - it is just that something is missing. And I dont know what. I got plans. My life plans. But it is just that they are in black and white. Where the hells are the colour that supposedly added to that. I do feel I am wasting my time, for not truely realized what I want. I dont want to live in constant feeling. Sometime ups and downs are good to make our heart tremble, but, when there's nothing there's to touch, our heart will dry. Sometimes life do feel sucks..~ And I wanted to have something on my own, my personal brand of heroin. When would that happen..? I just dont know.
11:50 PM
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Confused..~~
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1 comments:
Salam Nur Izzah,
harap-harap kamu baca mesej ni.There is something I want to talk about with you,may I?So hopefully U could reply me back at fearlee@gmail.com.Later I will tell U everything.Oh,by the way,my name is Ahmad Fadhli,22 years old,study medicine in University Malaya.I don't have laptop,so don't have facebook,that's why i couldn't add u.Hope to receive your e-mail soon.See ya,salam.
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